Lotus Flower - Short Story
I feel my pupils dilating the moment I die and my soul escapes. I have left another body again. I keep on sending desolated bodies down. None of them were strong enough to me. So many have perished with fear in their eyes. I've seen it countless times. But if only they knew their purpose. Though none of them have sufficed me for too long, they all helped me somehow. They showed me what an imperfect, weak, flawed body is like. They should've expired with a smile on their faces.
But it was not always like that. I was not born to steal bodies. Something has happened and I was forced to make sacrifices. I took bodies for cleansing. I dwelled on them for as long as they could bear, and when they were broken and weak and empty they were sent down, but not before I took over another one. But it was not like that in the beginning.
In the beginning I was in the void. The lid was open and I could go anywhere, in this universe or another. I could be anything, I was free. I became everything. I was faces and I was bodies. In the nature, in the city. Among poor, among wealthy. My desires were fulfilled the moment I clapped my hands. I tasted power and I became addicted to it. And it started to weary me out and destroy me.
I took things for granted, let myself get carried away. I made wrong choices and didn't measure the consequences. I touched what I shouldn't and everything I had slipped through my fingers. All I had faded away. Everything I touched dissolved and turned to dust. There was no way to fix what I had done. I was lost. I was doomed. I had succumbed to desire.
The punishment came fast. It was bitter and painful and endless. All the blood was drained from me. There was nothing left. The dark fluid running through my veins was not even close to what I used to have running there instead. And I needed that blood. I was confined to endless suffering deep down into the earth. Roots chained me to the ground. No escape, no way out.
Despite the taste of earth in my mouth, I could still taste the iron of the blood. And I longed for having a body once again. And I prayed that the taste would become real and raise me up, bring me back. But deep down in the ground I could not be heard. I could barely feel. Until the day she came. I remember it very well. I remember what she did and the way she set me free without realizing it.
She saved me. I was rotting deep into the scum of the heart, hopeless and dead. Then I felt her coming. From a far away land, coming to the place I was laying. She was staggering, her steps faltered. But she kept coming anyway. And the closer she came the stronger I felt. That thing stored inside my chest that I believed lifeless came back, started pounding again. The feeling was unfamiliar, forgotten after all this time, and it hurt me the first minute, like a muscle once slept that wakes with full energy.
I felt her deep within the earth. As she poured the blood down, my soul flowed up. It was so fast and unexpected. I closed my eyes as I was being plucked from the ground. And then I was raised. Free, I looked for a body to use. And for the first time in many years I was dwelling in a body once again.
It was odd, a curious feeling I had long ago forgotten about. She observed in disbelief as I just stood there, blinking blindly as the afternoon sun bathed my newest skin. I buried my nails in my palm, the knuckles cracked as I did so. I inhale and exhaled, air filling my lungs as a heart that wasn't mine began beating loudly, blood pumping into my veins. Blood. I felt my ribs and all my bones, covered by a thick layer of skin.
The process of rebirth took only a couple of minutes, but it felt like hours to me. And then my consciousness was used to the body I had claimed, my soul grew accustomed to having an human shape and the wind and sun didn't cause any distress anymore. I felt powerful again, standing there freshly awaken. And then I looked up. And I saw her.
She was still there looking at me, a terrified expression on her face. I swallowed hard and tried to approach, seeing as her panic increased every second that passed. I wanted to move, to get closer to her, but I couldn't. Those frightened eyes prevented me to make any effort to get closer and there was nothing I could do but tighten my jaw as I saw her running away anguished, further and further from me.
I went after her, but she disappeared. I kept on looking everywhere I went, in different bodies and different faces. Not resting or eating, always searching. As time passed by I had to look for different bodies more often, shifting quicker as the moon modified its shape above me. And the more I looked for her the more I felt time flowing, vanishing as quick as the morning dew.
Offering gifts used to be enough. All those dried bodies, hollow as shells. They used to be enough to keep it satisfied and allow me to carry on with my pursuit. They were all painted and offered for cleansing, paying for something they did not do.
But this itching has growing more and more as days went by. I kept on looking for bodies, for houses, but I am afraid they are no longer enough. They won't suffice it anymore. There are gnashing teeth in my bones. I can feel them eating me out from the inside, killing me slowly. I am terribly afraid of not being able to find her before time comes and I am back to boundless confinement. But I need more time, I need more time.
And here I am, still searching. The bodies I have taken follow me. Even the ones I have not killed. I continue to lead them down to it, in an attempt to buy more time. Is it working? I pray so. I need more time to find my Lotus Flower, I cannot leave just yet. But the itching continues, day and night. There must be an easier way to find her, to bring her to me.
But how would such thing happen? Even if I found her, what reasons would she have to stay and not run away again? She would not remain with me, I am a monster. Made of scars. Carrying the burden of my mistakes and the weight of my sins forever. But while I am here I am free from that. I know it is a short period, but I am thankful. Maybe she would not see me as a monster if I explained her everything...
Blood. Blood is the answer. I know. She will come to me when I find a perfect body and spill the blood on the floor, reaching the depths of the earth, caressing the roots, brushing the wind. My eyes are closed now and I listen carefully. I smell blood in my eyes and something is clamping my bones again. I am close to a different body this time, I know I am. It means I am running out of time and I must hurry.
And I begin to hear it. I taste the iron in my mouth again, as I hear a whisper coming from a far away place. I hear and follow obediently. It leads me to a crowded place. There is a small cabin. I approach. I feel the earth below my feet. The roots have left the ground. I am sure it is coming from there. The body inside will be mine. It will agree. They always agree in the end.
I keep on hearing the whisper, telling me to come in, to seize something that is not mine. I obey. There is steel all over my body, it clasps my fibers, pressing my skin. Every step I take seems like my last one. I shall make it quick, for my current body is weak and I feel it wanting to collapse, the steel is the only thing that keeps it together as I open the door and make my way to the darkness.
Darkness once again. The same cold, suffocating darkness that fell upon me like a blanket made of winter. The same darkness that I had to endure for so many years and so many seasons. The same darkness I was so acquainted with, it was now hiding her body from me.
Her body. Her. I've looked for so long. I hunted and pursued with nothing but a burning desire to find my Lotus Flower. And there it was, standing a few meters from me. I could distinguish her silhouette in the darkness of the cabin. If I stretched out my hand I could touch her hair... And her body was the one I had to take. The last body, the remaining sacrifice. One last thing before I am back to eternal confinement. I hear the whisper in my ear telling me to do it, do it.
But I don’t want to. My Lotus Flower, I cannot take her body. I cannot offer her as cleansing for my sins. I don't want to see fear in her eyes as she expires in my arms. I have been following orders and obeying and delivering bodies, I have been buying more time and I have been looking for a way to remain on the other side of the ground. She has been the reason. She has been the one to wake me up, to bring me back.
But there is nothing I can do to stop it. I feel my consciousness slowly leaving this body, I feel my hands raising and my eyes growing wider. I can smell her blood. I can taste her blood. I fight the thought, but it is stronger and it takes over my mind and I cannot think about anything else. I have no choice but obey. I want her blood.
As wings carry her over mountains, I am rooted to the ground again. Back to solitary confinement, back to the darkness, to the prison I should've never left. But it was worth it. Because I'd finally found what I was looking for. I'd found her, and for some days I was alive again, and I had a reason to stay alive. Though I am locked up here once again, bounded to the ground for ever, I am here with something I didn't have before.
I am back here with a smile. And I shall have it perpetually. Her smile. I did not take it though, she gave it to me. The first gift I've ever received, the first thing I didn't steal, the first thing that was given to me at free will. Lotus Flower. I granted her life, and she granted me that smile. It is mine forever. It rots away and is buried in the ground with me, soon it will fade away into the darkness, perishing as I close my eyes to an endless sleep. But it is mine, and mine it will be for ever.
But it was not always like that. I was not born to steal bodies. Something has happened and I was forced to make sacrifices. I took bodies for cleansing. I dwelled on them for as long as they could bear, and when they were broken and weak and empty they were sent down, but not before I took over another one. But it was not like that in the beginning.
In the beginning I was in the void. The lid was open and I could go anywhere, in this universe or another. I could be anything, I was free. I became everything. I was faces and I was bodies. In the nature, in the city. Among poor, among wealthy. My desires were fulfilled the moment I clapped my hands. I tasted power and I became addicted to it. And it started to weary me out and destroy me.
I took things for granted, let myself get carried away. I made wrong choices and didn't measure the consequences. I touched what I shouldn't and everything I had slipped through my fingers. All I had faded away. Everything I touched dissolved and turned to dust. There was no way to fix what I had done. I was lost. I was doomed. I had succumbed to desire.
The punishment came fast. It was bitter and painful and endless. All the blood was drained from me. There was nothing left. The dark fluid running through my veins was not even close to what I used to have running there instead. And I needed that blood. I was confined to endless suffering deep down into the earth. Roots chained me to the ground. No escape, no way out.
Despite the taste of earth in my mouth, I could still taste the iron of the blood. And I longed for having a body once again. And I prayed that the taste would become real and raise me up, bring me back. But deep down in the ground I could not be heard. I could barely feel. Until the day she came. I remember it very well. I remember what she did and the way she set me free without realizing it.
She saved me. I was rotting deep into the scum of the heart, hopeless and dead. Then I felt her coming. From a far away land, coming to the place I was laying. She was staggering, her steps faltered. But she kept coming anyway. And the closer she came the stronger I felt. That thing stored inside my chest that I believed lifeless came back, started pounding again. The feeling was unfamiliar, forgotten after all this time, and it hurt me the first minute, like a muscle once slept that wakes with full energy.
I felt her deep within the earth. As she poured the blood down, my soul flowed up. It was so fast and unexpected. I closed my eyes as I was being plucked from the ground. And then I was raised. Free, I looked for a body to use. And for the first time in many years I was dwelling in a body once again.
It was odd, a curious feeling I had long ago forgotten about. She observed in disbelief as I just stood there, blinking blindly as the afternoon sun bathed my newest skin. I buried my nails in my palm, the knuckles cracked as I did so. I inhale and exhaled, air filling my lungs as a heart that wasn't mine began beating loudly, blood pumping into my veins. Blood. I felt my ribs and all my bones, covered by a thick layer of skin.
The process of rebirth took only a couple of minutes, but it felt like hours to me. And then my consciousness was used to the body I had claimed, my soul grew accustomed to having an human shape and the wind and sun didn't cause any distress anymore. I felt powerful again, standing there freshly awaken. And then I looked up. And I saw her.
She was still there looking at me, a terrified expression on her face. I swallowed hard and tried to approach, seeing as her panic increased every second that passed. I wanted to move, to get closer to her, but I couldn't. Those frightened eyes prevented me to make any effort to get closer and there was nothing I could do but tighten my jaw as I saw her running away anguished, further and further from me.
I went after her, but she disappeared. I kept on looking everywhere I went, in different bodies and different faces. Not resting or eating, always searching. As time passed by I had to look for different bodies more often, shifting quicker as the moon modified its shape above me. And the more I looked for her the more I felt time flowing, vanishing as quick as the morning dew.
Offering gifts used to be enough. All those dried bodies, hollow as shells. They used to be enough to keep it satisfied and allow me to carry on with my pursuit. They were all painted and offered for cleansing, paying for something they did not do.
But this itching has growing more and more as days went by. I kept on looking for bodies, for houses, but I am afraid they are no longer enough. They won't suffice it anymore. There are gnashing teeth in my bones. I can feel them eating me out from the inside, killing me slowly. I am terribly afraid of not being able to find her before time comes and I am back to boundless confinement. But I need more time, I need more time.
And here I am, still searching. The bodies I have taken follow me. Even the ones I have not killed. I continue to lead them down to it, in an attempt to buy more time. Is it working? I pray so. I need more time to find my Lotus Flower, I cannot leave just yet. But the itching continues, day and night. There must be an easier way to find her, to bring her to me.
But how would such thing happen? Even if I found her, what reasons would she have to stay and not run away again? She would not remain with me, I am a monster. Made of scars. Carrying the burden of my mistakes and the weight of my sins forever. But while I am here I am free from that. I know it is a short period, but I am thankful. Maybe she would not see me as a monster if I explained her everything...
Blood. Blood is the answer. I know. She will come to me when I find a perfect body and spill the blood on the floor, reaching the depths of the earth, caressing the roots, brushing the wind. My eyes are closed now and I listen carefully. I smell blood in my eyes and something is clamping my bones again. I am close to a different body this time, I know I am. It means I am running out of time and I must hurry.
And I begin to hear it. I taste the iron in my mouth again, as I hear a whisper coming from a far away place. I hear and follow obediently. It leads me to a crowded place. There is a small cabin. I approach. I feel the earth below my feet. The roots have left the ground. I am sure it is coming from there. The body inside will be mine. It will agree. They always agree in the end.
I keep on hearing the whisper, telling me to come in, to seize something that is not mine. I obey. There is steel all over my body, it clasps my fibers, pressing my skin. Every step I take seems like my last one. I shall make it quick, for my current body is weak and I feel it wanting to collapse, the steel is the only thing that keeps it together as I open the door and make my way to the darkness.
Darkness once again. The same cold, suffocating darkness that fell upon me like a blanket made of winter. The same darkness that I had to endure for so many years and so many seasons. The same darkness I was so acquainted with, it was now hiding her body from me.
Her body. Her. I've looked for so long. I hunted and pursued with nothing but a burning desire to find my Lotus Flower. And there it was, standing a few meters from me. I could distinguish her silhouette in the darkness of the cabin. If I stretched out my hand I could touch her hair... And her body was the one I had to take. The last body, the remaining sacrifice. One last thing before I am back to eternal confinement. I hear the whisper in my ear telling me to do it, do it.
But I don’t want to. My Lotus Flower, I cannot take her body. I cannot offer her as cleansing for my sins. I don't want to see fear in her eyes as she expires in my arms. I have been following orders and obeying and delivering bodies, I have been buying more time and I have been looking for a way to remain on the other side of the ground. She has been the reason. She has been the one to wake me up, to bring me back.
But there is nothing I can do to stop it. I feel my consciousness slowly leaving this body, I feel my hands raising and my eyes growing wider. I can smell her blood. I can taste her blood. I fight the thought, but it is stronger and it takes over my mind and I cannot think about anything else. I have no choice but obey. I want her blood.
As wings carry her over mountains, I am rooted to the ground again. Back to solitary confinement, back to the darkness, to the prison I should've never left. But it was worth it. Because I'd finally found what I was looking for. I'd found her, and for some days I was alive again, and I had a reason to stay alive. Though I am locked up here once again, bounded to the ground for ever, I am here with something I didn't have before.
I am back here with a smile. And I shall have it perpetually. Her smile. I did not take it though, she gave it to me. The first gift I've ever received, the first thing I didn't steal, the first thing that was given to me at free will. Lotus Flower. I granted her life, and she granted me that smile. It is mine forever. It rots away and is buried in the ground with me, soon it will fade away into the darkness, perishing as I close my eyes to an endless sleep. But it is mine, and mine it will be for ever.
Comments
Post a Comment