The Suicide Forest

I walk in silence, stepping on dead leaves and dreams. Everything in deadly quiet – except my heart. It is beating on my ears. The sound is so loud I wonder if anybody else can hear it. But there’s no one else here.

I am walking through this sea of trees. It doesn’t matter where I look to – it all seems exactly the same. Once, the forest used to provide me some short of relief, and here, gladly, I feel it as well. I feel protected, I feel powerful, I feel… Free.

There are colored ribbons tied in some trees – it’s a trick for the undecided ones, to find their way back through the woods, because somehow, deep into the endless green, they’ve found hope.

The trees here have seen so much! If only they could talk… There are stories hanging from the branches, screams held inside the trunks. If only I could unlock all the words stuck on these limbs… If only I could revive all the dreams and hopes that here have faded away… So withered and dead, like the brown leaves.

I know I can’t. I am nobody’s savior. I am not the hero, I am just like them. And I need to be saved, just like them.

I came here with a purpose and one purpose only, because I am not sure where my home is anymore.

I was told to deliver my worries, to give away my sorrow, to trust, so that I could find my way back.

But, despite everything, I ended up here. I ended up alone and scared, misunderstood and lost.

So I think this is the answer I’ve been looking for. Here, in this place, I will find peace.

I’ve been looking for a light that never seemed to caught my eye, so I had to create my own. It is red, and if I stare at it for too long, my lungs will hurt. As if the smoke of my light rushed through my body, to poison my mind.

I am made of smoke and mistakes. But I don’t carry this burden with me anymore. There are no lies on my mouth, no more dark thoughts fighting to take control. No load of guilt. Nevermore.

I am weightless. I am pure. I am ready to face my fate. I am ready to come back home. I am going to disappear.

The sun is not burning my skin, the shadows provide me security.

One last breathe, and I will leave the despair behind. One more step, and I can drown into that light, giving me immaculate, peaceful clarity.

The light has brought me here, and I didn’t fall nor trembled on the way. The sickness is vanishing, my heart is still. I am floating. I am fading.

I am empty, and I am full. I feel the light turning to darkness. It is becoming heavy. But I will not scream. I will be brave.

All mercy is gone. The future is gone. I am joining the ones that came before me. The ones that left everything behind. The tress shall carry my story as well. Hanging still by my side, my story will live forever. My words will echo through the forest and will fill every empty space.

I will be filled and I will live forever. The forest is timeless and eternal.

Once I am gone, the forest will take me and embrace me. I will be protected. Among these woods I will be eternal.